We’ve fallen a bit behind on our reading these last few days and decided to scan the locals for the latest. Here’s what we found in the headlines.
Yesterday, the largest local fish wrapper fronted a section with a picture of a police horse. The one that got hit by a drunk in Ybor City over the weekend. The horse is standing in a grassy area, looking bemused at the pack of local media that hustled out to record it, uh, standing in a grassy area, looking bemused. Endlessly fascinating stuff.
Today both fish wrappers inform us that the world-famous “hiccup girl” is planning to meet her biological father. That is big news. She appeared on the Today Show in a segment called “Where Are They Now.” And on the day we forgot to reset the TIVO. Shit.
Also from our favorite fish wrappers we learned today that Jessica Sierra has entered a rehab program in California. Mad props, girl. Very chic. For those of you who ignore important local events, Sierra is a former American Idol washout who got arrested a few months ago in a South Tampa bar. She’s a very prominent local figure. So, congrats to her.
And they didn’t forget the shocker about Hulk Hogan’s son, Nick Bollea. Word is that he was seen racing just before smashing his car and critically injuring his passenger. Hard to believe. We know. We can’t imagine missing another detail of this unfolding human drama. If it’s Hulk, or Hulk-related, we care.
Then there was the update on Lori Smith changing her mind and deciding she does want to prosecute the estranged wife of former Tampa Bay Buccaneer Derrick “Ricky” Reynolds for setting fire to the contents of her suitcase in the driveway of Reynolds’ Lake Jovita home. Lori is described as Ricky’s girlfriend. Oh what a tangled web we weave …
Moving on from Pulitzer Prize country to Bay News 9 we notice that Leona Helmsley, the deceased pain-in-the-ass namesake of Helmsley Hotels, remains loathsome even unto death. She set up a $12-million trust fund for her dog and stiffed a couple of her grandkids. A real humanitarian that one. Attention lawyers: the line forms outside Petsmart in Manhattan.
Finally, joyous news of New England Quarterback Tom Brady’s son comes to us again via AP/Bay News 9. The tike’s name is: John Edward Thomas Moynahan. Notice the initials J-E-T. Sounds like a twerp with four names who would marry Leona Helmsley. That or grow up as a ranch hand in Texas only to hit it big in oil and develop a ferocious drinking problem. Definitely one of the two.