Scanning the fishwrapper last week, we found this bit of local color printed three pages deep above the fold. Monday, February 4, 2008 must have been a slow news day for this thing to make it past the local section, yet we haven’t been able to stop mulling it and we think we’ve finally figured out why.
Though we suspect it was inadvertent by Mr. Abel and his employer, this little rattlesnake yarn is its own blunt commentary on how a lot of us still relate to our natural environment in early 21st century Florida. Virtually every paragraph of this thing is pregnant with the superstition, phobia and folklore that still trump science when we forget ourselves.
Some critters just suffer from bad public relations. Wolves, for example, used to catch hell. 
They were vilified, demonized and hunted to virtual extinction across much of North America. Turns out they’re actually not baby-eating, canine criminals but relatively benign social creatures that play an important role in various ecosystems.
Wolves have been rehabilitated. Snakes haven’t.
As we read in Mr. Abel’s report, snakes are still evil and unworthy of our trust. Three - count ‘em, THREE - Pinellas County deputy sheriffs rolled to a house in Ozona on a Sunday afternoon where a four-foot rattlesnake (reported as seven feet) lay peacefully coiled under a cart that hadn’t been moved in years. The snake undoubtedly thought the cart was permanently in place as a refuge where he could rest unnoticed and undisturbed. The snake thought wrong and soon found himself exposed to sunlight and human hysteria.
The piece of Abel’s story that lingers most vividly with us is how a sheriff’s deputy prodded then “blasted away” with a shotgun at this poor beast as the voices of children wafted over the fence. The woman of the house was much relieved by the snake’s slaughter. Remember, kids, snakes are evil!
Look, we’re no better or wiser. We recoil at the site of a serpent, too. We don’t like snakes poking about the house, slithering through the garden or coiling under bushes. They make us nervous and, yes, we’ve had a hand in killing a few. But they are, afterall, native Floridians just working to survive. Can’t a working viper get a little respect?
Turns out the Eastern Diamondback is actually a rather docile fellow. And big ones, like the one dispatched by PCSO, tend to hold back their venom when they bite. It’s the little ones that deliver the big dosage. Still, who the heck wants a four-foot rattlesnake in the yard, especially with kids on hand? We’re all for humane treatment of animals but let’s not get crazy.
Fair enough. Instead of blasting away with a shotgun, though, how about calling a snake getter? Really. The Pinellas Sheriff’s Office ought to know about these people.
There used to be a guy who would go almost anywhere in Pasco and North Pinellas to pick up any kind of snake. If it was poisonous, his service was free because snake venom has value. This dude was a bona fide snake lover. He didn’t cotton to people who killed snakes. That was several years ago when gas was cheap and antivenin was in short supply but local volunteers are still out there and willing to come to the rescue of Mr. Snake and the horrified homeowner. Write down their numbers and hang them on the fridge.
Live and let live.